Monthly Archives: April 2015

People-that-can-fuck-off series: Flakes

This will have the first-world-problem stamp all over so if you are feeling especially righteous this morning, stop reading. Then go take a bath and chill the fuck out.

The rest of you may proceed.

Long ago I’d thought I’d become immune to flaky people. You know, the kind that promise you the world, volunteer to help you get it with the enthusiasm of a puppy dog off the leash, and then either disappear off the face of the earth or forget you exist. I spent years training myself to spot those people and to either stay the fuck away from them or to ignore every single syllable that came out of their mouths.

But, alas, even the best professionals make mistakes.

So in the interest of public service, I’d like to alert you to the exact trajectory of how you too can get caught in the web of lies, manipulation, and human turdiness that is flaky people.

(1) You’ve been struggling with something for a very long time:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.10.33 PM

(2) You’ve almost lost hope:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.12.17 PM

 (3) Then you meet this guy:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.14.32 PM

(4) Your hope does this:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.18.40 PM

(5) And then this:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.19.15 PM

(6) Until days, weeks, and months pass and it goes back to this:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.21.06 PM

(7) And then some new-age wisdom asshole tells you this:

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 12.31.09 PM

Like you didn’t know.

Be careful, people.

And you are welcome.